The ABCs of BDSM

If you’re new to the world of BDSM you may find that there is an overwhelming amount of information and practices that fall under the catch-all acronym. Just like a child has to learn to walk before it can run, anyone interested in engaging in BDSM should educate themselves on the topic before diving in.

Below we will cover some of the very basic principles of BDSM, as well as some important do’s and don’ts that everyone should know. BDSM might seem like a decidedly barbaric and degenerate practice to the uninitiated, but like many things in life it is far more nuanced than one might think.

What Is BDSM?

First up, let’s define BDSM.  It stands for Bondage, Domination and Submission, Sadism, and Masochism. In a sense, close minded individuals who think of things like being bound with ropes, gagged, flogged, and deriving pleasure from pain are correct since BDSM can be all of those things, but there is much more to it than that. 

Let’s break it down and define all of these terms for the sake of clarity:

• Bondage: Ropes, chains, duct tape, handcuffs – you name it – bondage is all about being restrained. It can add an exciting thrill to what may otherwise be a pedestrian sexual encounter. The act of restraining someone can be highly sensual in and of itself.
• Domination: A Dominant is the one who takes charge of the encounter, often referred to simply as a Dom. The Submissive party, or Sub, usually takes the more passive role and is at the mercy of the Dom.
• Sadism: A sadist is someone who enjoys inflicting pain on others. Whips, paddles, and floggers can be used. Almost anything can be used, but the point is to inflict the pleasurable type of pain and not to injure the other party.
• Masochism: If you enjoy a good spanking, it’s very likely that you are something of a masochist. Masochists find pleasure in pain, and pain is used to enhance the sexual encounter.

Sounds simple, right? It’s far more complicated than you might think. As mentioned, BDSM is a catch-all phrase of sorts, and there are dozens of different kinks which make it more of a spectrum than anything else.

A – Always Start Slow

When practicing BDSM, it’s important to start slowly and explore the world of kink with caution. Going too far, too quickly, might ruin the experience completely and put you off. 

Make sure you have a partner that you are comfortable with. Trust is a key factor in the world of BDSM, and it is important that all parties concerned are on the same page. You might want to try a certain kink and find that you don’t like it, so be sure to communicate clearly in order to maintain trust.

B – Boundaries

As mentioned earlier, BDSM is something of a spectrum. One person might love being flogged, while for another it might be what is referred to as a “Hard No.” Hard No’s can be anything – someone might not want to be slapped in the face, kissed or touched in certain places – once again, everyone is different, and it is important to discuss and establish boundaries before engaging in BDSM.

You may or may not have heard of the term “Safe Word,” this is typically used to let your partner/s know when you are uncomfortable and they must immediately stop what they are doing. 

If you are in a dominant role, this is your responsibility – no matter how “in the moment” you might be, you have to be alert at all times and stop if you hear your partner utter this word. Picking a safe word should happen before the encounter begins, “pineapple” is commonly used but it’s up to you and your partner which word you use.

C – Consent 

Consent is both important and very sexy – just like with regular sex, you must always make sure that your partner consents to the interaction. When in doubt, it’s always best to ask. Safe words, as described above, are one of the tools used to withdraw consent.

Some other important caveats to consider with regards to consent is the use of drugs or alcohol when partaking in BDSM – while some might think otherwise, BDSM and substances don’t mix well. An individual cannot consent unless they are sober and clear of mind.

BDSM is best enjoyed free of mind altering substances. It’s supposed to be an intensified form of intimacy where all parties involved feel and act safely. In a dom-sub relationship, there is often some “aftercare” involved where the dominant will dote on and show their appreciation for the submissive that they were flogging and degrading moments before. 

Don’t Be Afraid

To conclude this article on the ABCs of BDSM, it must be reiterated that the practice is nothing to fear. In fact, most couples engage in some form of BDSM without even realizing it – biting, scratching, and spanking are common sadistic/masochistic practices, for example. 

Start your journey slowly, maintain healthy boundaries, and always establish consent – these three simple rules are important for everyone who wants to try out the kinkier kinds of sex.